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  • Writer's pictureAja McDonald

Ten days of “nope”

Over the past 10 days I could not be bothered with keeping up with my blog and updating the world on my status. I am aware that this is not a paid job and I am not obligated to post anything at all if I don’t want to. And that is exactly how I have been rolling with it. The reality is, I don’t even know if anyone other than my wonderful Mum reads this (hi mum!). Either way, I have needed this as an outlet and focus to feel as if I have some sort of normality in this no income making world I am now living in.

On Monday, it will be 8 weeks since my left breast was fully removed and I started the real deal of battling breast cancer. Before then, it was just baby steps towards starting it all. I feel my mind and body have stayed the same outside of the physical challenges one experiences when removing a body part. I have been focused, determined and stealthy every step of the way. The usual Aja things.

Since then, I have had my second round of chemo. I am day 10 today and it is Christmas Eve. I think that with some adjustments my oncologist made since the first round, the steroid part of it has been better and I haven’t Hulked out the same. I had one cry due to ultimate weakness and frustration not being able to simply put dishes in the dishwasher. Fortunately I accept these moments when they come and so I stepped aside while my bestie (who was working from home) took over for me. I still stubbornly made banana muffins after I rested, thou. I am truly lucky to be living with two top notch humans that have always accepted my good and bad days and just let me do what I need to do while also putting me in my place when needed.

During this second round of chemo I have developed ulcers on my tongue and oral thrush, which is a very common side effect during cancer treatments. I have not lost my appetite or taste, rather I feel as if I have burnt my tongue and lack the sensations of what some tastes should be. You know, like those times you are so hungry that when you order a pizza and it arrives fresh out of the oven, you don’t even wait for it to cool down just a little to devour it. Instead, you just go for it and that molten hot cheese lava falls onto your tongue while you kiss any available tastebuds goodbye. Yeah, that’s how I feel at the moment.

I had an appt with my oncologist on Wednesday (day 7 of chemo round two) and we went over all the things currently under the experience radar and compared them to the first round. I was very happy that she seemed pleased with how well I have been doing and how aware of my mind and body I have been. Lots of practice over two years fighting for myself through a neck injury will do that. My oncologist prepared a script for my mouth situation and went over my increased fatigue and what we can do to work around that. She was quite aware of fatigue being a larger issue through chemo since I had been fighting to recover from the good ol’ neck injury. Chemo round three may be just a little lighter to help accomodate a less heavy fatigue and see how we go from there. I love that I have everything monitored so closely and between my oncologist and naturopath checking in with me every step of the way, I feel very comfortable given this is actually not comfortable at all.

Those that know me know I am strong and just get on with it. So that must be hard for them to witness when the reality is, I may be strong but I am still fighting to have “normal” every second of the day.

Some days are obvious that I am not as good as I walk away from you mid conversation to sit the fuck down. Other days, you would probably not even realise I am one boob down having a holiday of a lifetime. Kind of like my head injury two years ago when I received two concussions and whiplash all in less than a month’s time.

People close to me knew that I was messed up for a time with a short memory and lots of chronic pains. But it is also hard to know what is going on in one’s mind palace since you cannot see it.

Cancer is kind of the same but it is for sure not brushed off the same. If it was treated like concussion/whiplash injuries, I would not be here right now punching letter buttons into words for you to read!

There are many things I would have liked to have done already over these past ten days, but lets face it – it’s that festive season where people are last minute purchasing all the things to accomodate their time off and plans with loved ones. My festive ritual is avoiding these people at all costs, even more so now that I lack the white blood cells to fight off any germs that might be surfacing in areas of any human population whatsoever. So I had accepted that most of the things I would be doing to prepare for a festive season this year would be from the comfort of my home and computer. And I have done just that.

Moving forward, my only goal right now is to continue working on my Patreon and what it has to offer. It makes me excited to have a space to devote time to my creative projects and people that want to support me. I have many things I’d love to do but at the same time I have developed more of a sense of what makes me happy as a creator and what I want my future to be like after all these changes had to be made in order for me to have a future.

For now, I am working on revisiting the current available tier benefits. Asking anyone that would like to contribute to vote on my current public poll. This will help me know what things I would like to offer would be of interest to those supporting my creative journey. This Patreon is my link to my future and the things I’ve always wanted to do in my past that never got the time to grow.

If you are reading this and want to help with the poll to update tier benefits, click the button below.

I hope everyone out there that has stopped by and took the time to read this has a wonderful Holiday Season. Wherever you are, however you celebrate. Thank you for taking the time to visit and make sure you take the time to care for yourself and those closest to you.

Like what you’re reading? Support me on Patreon! It’s like buying me a coffee or two each month with no obligations. You’ll get a first look at the behind the scenes of my creative adventures, choose between the benefits you’d want most, become a part of my creative community.

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